My fiancé is making me fat, and I love him deeply for it. There are people out there who understand what I am talking about. I used have toned muscles, arms and legs, those slightly defined ab muscles that made it look like I naturally had a flat stomach. I could easily fit in my size 6 skinny jeans. When I met my fiancé I went to the gym multiple times a week. And I loved it. I went to kickboxing with hand weights, because I wanted to continue. I was one of those people that oddly loved going to the gym and looked good because of it. I rarely cared what I wore to the gym because i was constantly riding the high of working out.
I was one of those people that craved the gym. I was in the best shape of my life and then I met my fiancé. The love of my life, who gave me a different high, for the first time I was in love. The kind of love you give up your bi-weekly sometimes three times a week kickboxing class to get make time for. We started spending hours talking and going on dates. We started spending Sunday nights together curled up on the couch watching football and ordering pizza.
Pizza and Sunday nights on the couch became our thing, time devoted to just the two of us, when we moved in together, we kept our Sunday nights to stay connected, even when football season ended we substituted football for a movie. Here in lies the problem. Instead of my old routine of going to the gym and working out, I spent more of my time with the my fiancé. Us became more important than me and two years, and 15 lbs later with the wedding only two months away- it is starting to hit me.
I know my fiancé doesn’t read my blog, so I think it is safe to put it out there… In just over a month, I am doing a boudoir photo shoot which hopefully will result in some fun and sexy photos that I can give to Mike for our wedding. My girlfriend and her husband (professional photographers) will be doing the shoot for me. And to say I am freaking out is an understatement. I am having mass anxiety about being that vulnerable, and feeling overweight. I want these pictures to be representative of me… just maybe a little less me.
Now- the fiancé has never once called me fat, or overweight, or been anything but amazing to me. Even though I jokingly blame him for making me fat, it is 100% on me.
I am posting this, as a way to hold myself accountable, to this challenge of getting healthier over the next 4 weeks, nothing drastic, I am not planning on starving myself or obsessively working out at the gym. I have no misconceived notions that I will lose 20 lbs in the next four weeks and be back to my old self. I am just looking to tone everything up. Now go… hold me accountable, keep me motivated and hopefully in a few short weeks, I will be posting about my amazing photo shoot and resulting new found confidence.